sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
