Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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