remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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