I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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