ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
