Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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