when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
