I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
