oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
