the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize