you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
