Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
nutella sex= disaster
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We're too hungover to prance.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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