BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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