do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
