I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
