The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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