she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
