Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
