I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
