Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
