Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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