who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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