i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
