I want to make a zoo with you.
even my farts smell like vagina
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
