so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
