I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have fence marks all over my body
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
