so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
