ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
