i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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