Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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