I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
