i may or may not be watching the land before time
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
