thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
