I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
