On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
