I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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