Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
