Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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