I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
