Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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