Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
