if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
