great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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