i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
