it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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