i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
