shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
