i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
