No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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