i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
