Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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