tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
